Named a “Best Book” by Library Journal and The Boston Globe, and a “Lit Pick” by the SF Chronicle.
In the opening of Holding Silvan: A Brief Life, Monica Wesolowska gives birth to her first child, a healthy-seeming boy who is taken from her arms for “observation” when he won’t stop crying. Within days, Monica and her husband have been given the grimmest of prognoses for Silvan. They must make a choice about his life. The story that follows is not of typical maternal heroism. There is no medical miracle here. Instead, we find the strangest of hopes. In clear and unflinching prose, this startling memoir bears witness not only to a son’s brief life but to the evolution of the writer herself—from Catholic-girl yearning after sainthood to maternal struggle to give her son the best she can. The result is a page-turning testimony to the power of love. By raising ethical questions about how a death can be good in the age of modern medicine, Holding Silvan becomes a paean to what makes life itself good. Whether you have faced great loss or not, this book will change your life.
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Reviews, Interviews, Essays and More
Reviews
"Only a writer with Wesolowska’s enormous talents could render her tale with such intelligence and grace, bracing honesty and even humor. In precise, luminous prose she chronicles an unbearable loss that nonetheless was filled with the joy she felt in being her son’s mother."
—Kate Tuttle, The Boston Globe
This is a brutal story, beautifully told...Wesolowska leaves readers with no doubt that 38 days of love can be a whole life.
—Therese Nielsen, Library Journal, Starred Review
"Wesolowska's spare, poetic prose and clear-eyed, unflinching storytelling persuade us from the opening sentence that this is a journey worth taking.
—Zoe FitzGerald Carter, The SF Chronicle
"Written in the present tense, the book is an achingly beautiful and honest chronicle, sure to incite mixed reactions...Sad, controversial and illuminating."
"...one of this year's most beautifully written, tragic, exquisite reads."
—Lou Fancher, Lamorinda Weekly
Read more in Archives (below)
Essays
"Clinging to Each Other, We Survived the Storm," in The New York Times Modern Love column
"7 Ways to Support a Bereaved Mother," on ModernLoss
"On National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day, A Woman With a Candle to Light," on the New York Times Motherlode
Read more essays in Archives (below)
Readings
Monica reads at “Why There are Words”
Radio and Podcasts
Listen to More interviews in Archives (below)
Q & A with the Author
Q. What made you want to write about Silvan?
I didn't really have a choice. As soon as Silvan was born, I started narrating in my head, just to understand what was happening. Words are how I understand. I started keeping a diary while he was alive and then I just kept going.
Q. So the book is based on a diary? How long before you turned the diary into a book?
At first, the diary was just for me. For years, I couldn't even read it. It was just too sad. But then one day, about eight years from his death, I was ready. And what I found in those pages was a gorgeous love story.
Q. If it was based on a diary, how did you manage to make the book readable?
I wrote with one question in mind: Did we love Silvan enough? That question infused every scene. I had to be totally honest with myself, dig deep into my past to understand what I even meant by love. As soon as I found a way to weave Silvan's life with my own past, I knew I had a book that would pull a reader through.
Q. How do you manage to give readings without crying?
The words themselves. They make sense of Silvan's life and death, and they make sense of life and death in general. I find that comforting.
Q. Was writing it cathartic?
It was a gift to spend time with Silvan again. So, yes, I'd say it was cathartic in the first draft. And then I did the hard work of revision, and slowly my own need to tell the story changed. I was no longer telling it for myself but for others and that was a wonderful shift. I knew then I'd written a book worth reading.
Book Club Discussion Questions
1. For many, the topic of Holding Silvan is scary. And yet, most readers say that once they start, they can't put it down. What keeps you reading?
2. In addition to being a story about Silvan, Wesolowska weaves in stories from her childhood. Many of these stories have to do with the way in which we slowly learn about death as we age. What was your first introduction to death as a child and how has your sense of death changed with time?
3. Though Holding Silvan is about a baby, the state of modern medicine is so advanced that many of us have had to make end-of-life decisions about those we love. Were your ideas about a "good death" changed by this book?
4. Most reviewers have said that Holding Silvan is ultimately uplifting. What makes it that way?
5. What image or scene will you most remember? Is it a climactic scene or something smaller? Is it related to Silvan or to some other aspect of Wesolowska's life?
6. How would you describe the voice in this book? Intimate? Honest? What else? How does she achieve these qualities?
7. What other books does this remind you of?
8. Did this book inspire you to put some of your own experiences into writing?
Archives
More Reviews
"This sensitively drawn portrait of motherhood and marriage explores the meaning of life, survival and letting go in powerful, emotive prose that transcends grief."
—Kathleen Gerard, Shelf Awareness
"...arguably one of the best memoirs of 2013. With spare, unflinching prose, she tells the tragic, ironically life-affirming account of losing her son. Few writers handle naked sorrow with the eloquent simplicity sculpting this must-read book."
—Lou Fancher, Contra Costa Times
"...an unflinching look at dying in all its complexity...shimmer(s) with grace, lucid intelligence, and solace."
—Lindsey Crittenden, Spirituality and Health Magazine
" A much-needed, modern-day tale of Solomon..."
"..she weaves a story that is larger than one mother’s loss. She informs a necessary conversation about the value of life and, most admirably, leaves us hopeful..."
—Jennifer Massoni Pardini Literary Mama
"Holding Silvan grabs you by the heart and won't let go...With impeccable aesthetic judgment, the author charts the stages of a wrenching ethical journey that ends in a resounding affirmation of the ultimate fairness of life."
—Lena Lencek Reed Magazine
"Wesolowska’s honest, elegant prose places Holding Silvan firmly in the company of Francisco Goldman’s Say Her Name and Joan Didion’s Year of Magical Thinking. Above all else Holding Silvan is a stunning meditation on love."
—Rhonda Trooboff, This Isn't About Me
"Holding Silvan is both a beautiful and tragic story written with talent, sincerity, and necessity. It allows us to step into someone else’s life in the midst of a tragedy, feel what she feels, and to walk away changed."
—Allie Angelo, Late Night Library
"It’s hard to put down, because it moves as quickly as a novel...Wesolowska explores with honesty the kind of questions most of us don’t want to think about..."
—Chris Lombardi, Women’s Voices for Change
More Essays
"Jahi McMath--What a Mother's Love Can Do," in the San Francisco Chronicle's Open Forum
"How I Got My Agent" in Writer's Digest
"Without Words" on The Life Cycle Celebrant
"What's My Question?" on The Memoir Project
"From Scream to Smile: The Power of Memoir" on Good Day, Regular People
More Interviews and Profiles
"On Writing About and As a Parent" with Chloe Yelena Miller on WomanMotherWriter
With Miranda Rabuck on Leaves
With Anneli Rufus on Psychology Today
With Lena Lencek on NW Booklovers
The Self Interview on The Nervous Breakdown
With Frances Dinkelspiel on Berkeleyside
With Liisa Ogburn on the How Motherhood Changes Us Project
With Lindsey Crittenden